Job-seeking missiles

Captain's Log. Day 51. Still unemployed. Want to die. 

Things are going pretty grimly now guys. Having had an interview for University of Sheffield (Customer Services Team Leader) I thought things looked like they'd be on the employment up......I got it so wrong. I've been plunged into a state of sadist depression where instead of filling my time with productivity I'm finding ways to kill digital people, like games on the internet that you are a global disease, or simply jumping off high cliffs on Skyrim.

There are 4 key reasons why I don't think I got the job. You might enjoy my misery so I'll list them for you....

1.) I showed up at reception in trainers before I changed into my posh shoes.
2.) I could have sworn it said on the email that her name was Louise Kenny and so I asked at reception for...Louise Kenny. Turns out her name was Lynn. Oh.
3.) I totally fluffed up a question regarding managing an event. Instead of using a perfectly good answer (that I came up with about 5 minutes after the interview, perhaps a little too late), I went down the line of an obscure one at an old job, then totally overplayed it and became trapped in some kind of quasi-lie/truth scenario.
4.) This is the best one.
4a.) I'm really ashamed of this one
4b). When she asked at the end, do you have any questions at the end, I should have said 'Yes, a couple. Firstly, what are the opportunities for promotion etc? Secondly, would you break down the day to day routine of the role please? Lastly, can I inquire as to what you consider the most rewarding parts of the job?
4c). I actually said.... 'No, erm not really, no. Well I have one. On the job specification it doesn't mention anything about how much holiday the role is entitled to, can I ask you about that?' [In my head i didn't wait for a response, I just thought 'CHRIS YOU MOTHERTRUCKING FLIPPING IDIOT WHAT THE FLIP. GO HOME NOW YOU DICK']

Needless to say, I didn't get the job. Looked mint and all, well gutted. 

Exciting though, I had a second interview later that week.....for jobseekers allowance. That is right, as a seeker of a job I am entitled to my money, so I'm taking it dammit. I had to scrub all night to get the job centre plus smell out of my hair though.

Otherwise....no one likes my CV. I took a look at it and have posted a picture of it below and I think I realise why. 

[its actually my melted mars bar, but if you look closely it has the same amount of experience as is presented on my CV]

What else is going on with my life.......well.... thanks for asking. A few things of noteworthy attention. The most productive thing was to give a paper on my dissertation at a postgraduate conference at the University of Huddersfield. That was pretty cool. I didn't even shit it up or anything, I did it proper. 

Seeing as it has been forever since my last blog you'd think I have lots and lots of useful employment facts, but I don't. Its all a con this blog, designed to entertain you by promoting my miserable unemployed (on the dole) existence as some kind of plaything for the rich and privileged. 

having overdosed on pills in a bid to rid myself of this miserable existence, my girlfriend carried me to a nice beach and took a photo of my incapacitated self

Oh well, back to the job applications....

Unemployment Fact I Found Out Today: If you send a job application in on a Saturday you get an 'out of office' response. I somehow feel that automatically means that they won't read it properly.

Running Status: Did my leg in. Leg got sore. Still running a bit.

FIFA Status: Did really well then suddenly did really shit and had to start again. Fecking Liverpool.

Skyrim Final Fantasy VII Status: Aeris is still alive, but Sephiroth is gonna slash that hoe up good in a bit.
 I wish my planet was in crisis as I would definitely go and save the world like Cloud. Just need some Black Materia (For the three people that both read this and have played FF7, I am so cool).