Blogdan Milosevic

Lol?

If my face was a hat I think that would make employers stand up and take notice.

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. My life has taken a turn for the worse and this satirical response to the state of postgraduate employment will have to bear the brunt of an all-new low. Here, take a look at my bank balance.


That is right, I’m am royally undone. I cannot afford to exist and am looking at the possibilities of becoming a non-carbon based entity that doesn’t need food to survive. Why is this you may find yourself asking? Well.....it turns out that I don’t, quite marvellously, qualify for jobseekers allowance. That’s right, a man seeking a job actively, working under the designated 16 hour limit, is unable to get any money from the government. I used a great deal of colourful words to express my distaste at this fact.

Essentially having a partner disqualifies me from one end and having not earned any tax in 2009-2010 (When I was a student!) prevents access to the other. So, having been told I was waiting on an administrative process, and that I had a good deal of backlogged dole coming my way right before Christmas, I was shocked to learn that now, right before present buying time, I am in an unfathomably large amount of debt. Gulp.

Oh well! There are good things happening to me still. I had one interview last week for an internal role at Jorvik! Yay! I will find out about that next week. Equally as significant....I also have three external interviews next week! So, having not had an interview since the 5th November, I’ve accumulated 4 on my calender within 7 days. I don’t understand what I’ve done differently but I’m not complaining. They are all full-on smashing jobs too.

All that serious stuff about actually searching for a job and being in massive debt is great but you don’t care about that. This blog is looking at my dispairingly mundane life and the activities that keep my unemployment ass busy. So let’s see what is behind door number 2.....(it’s basically an old sheet, my budget difficulties have meant that I can no longer afford a door). I went home to old liverpudlinio. Which is Italian for Liverpool. Here i did lots of lovely things like see my nana and get taken out for meals by all and sundry. I also realised this fact. My travels to work at Jorvik cost me 12 smackarooneys a day. That is for a 20 minute journey. To get to my nanas house that is to Meols station (and takes an hour and a half) it cost me 3.20. How ridiculous is that? Bloody York with its bloody good train station and flipping East Coast services. Cost me an arm and a leg.

ALERT! I’ve become a very efficient jogger. I’ve suddenly burst through my record time doing a 5km (twice!) by around 30-40 seconds. Usain Bolt called, he wants his natural athleticism back. Struck by my sudden ability I have managed to walk slap-bang into a cold which means I can’t go running for a week or so. Superb. This means that all my hard work knocking valuable time of my 5km will have to start again. And my bout of illness has left me in envy of the dead.

Unemployment Factor That I Found Out Today: No matter how hard I search for a job, I don’t qualify for JSA and I basically have to ask my lovely girlfriend if she can buy her own Christmas presents this year. I’d still wrap them shit so it was like an authentic christmas so maybe it won’t be too much of a strain on our relationship.

Running status: read my alert dipstick.

FIFA Status: I have a significantly better budget as Liverpool manager than I do in real life.

Skyrim Final Fantasy 7 Status: I’ve beaten the shit out of ultima weapon and he exploded near Cosmo Canyon, giving me handy access to a really weird forest with frogs in it.

Jobzilla

'Chris!', my mind exclaims.

'what?', I reply.

'Chris!', it repeats.

 'I heard you the first time, what's up?' I respond, somewhat frustratingly.

'You should have a job by now.' It mocks.

'...'. 

Above is a representation of my life if it were a very boring and dialogue-heavy novel. Luckily it isn't, but it does demonstrate the state of play at the moment. I'm trucked. Motherducked. Out of luck.

It has, however, been a while since I last posted. Please don't mistake that for positive activity on the job front, its mostly because nothing has happened that I have been unable to creatively explode my unemployment in the format of a brief blog. A summise of the week in 7 words/phrases would go as follows..... confident > rejection > safety-net jobs> rejection > home > broke > teaching.... 

In more words....I've made many applications over the past month that have all had similar deadline dates - around about now. So I had been confident I would get something. One role I thought I would be interview-worthy for turned out to be a clear cut rejection and a back-up, poorly paid job (which would have gained me some experience) also turned out to be a rejection. Then I went home and played chess and saw some folk. And realised how desperately poor I am because JSA seem to have decided to be right nob shines about my dole. Then I decided I'd look into secondary school teaching. I won't elaborate on that because theres nothing to elaborate on to, its still all up in the mind. 

Me and dole-chum Paddy discussing our envy of the working world.

 After my initial success of the £7 night out I've followed it up with two £12 nights out. My desperate poverty will not stand between me and my desire to have some kind of night-life. If anybody wants to buy me a drink as a reward for putting the travails of my unemployment backside on the interweb then that is cool. 

My unemployment soundtrack, Will Smith's seminal album, 'Big Willie Style.'

Look at the extensive prose style I used!

There has been something I've meant to bring to you, my Schadenfreude friends (Had to google that to make sure I spelt it right, oh yeahh). A story from a while back that still has me irked. I, somewhat ambitiously, wrote BBC Radio 4 a letter informing of them of the exciting news that I was unemployed and available to take up work with them. Now I'm not an idiot, I didn't think I'd get a job, but I did figure it would be an alternative way to get in touch with potential employers and get some good advice. Here is the letter I put a lot of effort into and sent them.

My excitement turned sour.

Clearly, a valiant effort by a young dynamic medievalist seeking an entry into a life of broadcasting. This was the long-awaited reply. For those that can't read it it basically says F*** off. The worst part of it???? The worst part was that the CV I sent them they stapled to the reply and returned it to me! They couldn't even be arsed to just chuck it in the bin and pretend it was 'on record.' Their uppance will come, be assured.

Employment Fact That I Found Out Today: Most unemployed people have the small consolation that they can get up at like 11am and lie in. Not me, because my heavenly girlfriend demands that I be as sleepy as her so that I don't keep her awake the next evening. 

Skyrim Final Fantasy VII Status: Just tried to beat the underwater weapon. MASSIVELY FAILED. 

FIFA Status: I am top of the league on legendary as Liverpool! Get in. It is about time I had some luck in my life, I just wish it was in real life.

Running Status: I ran a hell of a lot and now Maizie (a kind of doggy aquaintence of mine) keeps sniffing my knee and she only sniffs us when we are poorly so I think something grim has happened to it.