Joseph Desire-Job

Hold the phone! This is it. Final blog post. I have a job (of sorts) and feel like I'd be stretching the definition of 'unemployment' even further if I continued to write this mother truka. A nice light at the tunnel has emerged in that I have successfully applied for an internal vacancy at Jorvik and now I have nearly full-time hours (but, you must understand, I am still crippingly poor). Not to fear though, these last 2-3 weeks have been as emotionally draining as any other, for all you schadenfreude-s out there. 

First off I had 3 interview rejections, spending hours upon hours travelling to locations that seem close on a map but are actual a bazillion miles away from anywhere that I knew existed. (I swear I've heard of Dinnington before, and I swear that its supposed to be really close to Doncaster. Nope. Lolllll). Bought most of Claudia's christmas presents from a charity shop. Most people think its because its vintage and cool and unique, but its primarily because I'm desperately short on the hold casharooney. I did pick up some neat things though, things that people died in or commited heinous crimes in.

Coca-cola offered me a job but I sure showed them.

My unemployed home life sort of died because I was running around having interviews, working and all that jazz. I've still managed to become massively fat over christmas, one young buck mistaking me for a sea-cow. This is despite my athletic prowess of running up the same hill day-in, day-out. I've probably eaten as much chocolate as 3 times my readership for this blog. Urghhhhh. Its been giving me funny dreams too - last night I dreamt I was on a tv show, but then there was a horrible accident. In the aftermath of this the emergency response team took my injured frame away. Upon waking I realised that I was in a kitchen and there were loads of sausages being cooked. It suddenly dawned upon me that they were going to cook and eat me so I legged it.

I've quite liked this blogging shizz and I'm gonna be starting a new one that will focus specifically on semi-biographical re-imaginings of the most miserable and entertaining parts of my life. Those of you who know what a tit-face I can be when confronted with life's minor problems will be salivating I am certain. No link yet but just keep your eyes peeled. 


Until then I'd like to say a big thank you to all my readers. A special thank you to K-ble guy and Bayj, without reading your blogs I would have no inspiration to write these pages. Also thanks to Tommi for constantly reminding me that I did have a job and that my whole blog was a farce. To Claudia too, who has done a decent job of keeping me afloat and motivated. These last few months have been a total nightmare at times and sent me lower than I've been before and writing this has been an escape I've been very appreciative of. 

It wasn't just a metaphorical pit of despair, I was actually trapped in a cave.

Cheerio Chaps!

Unemployment Fact that I Found Out Today: For some reason my professional being was the flavour of the month for December, having had 5 interview dates set and two job offers.

Running Status: Usain Bolt rang, he wants his electric pace back. I pretended it was a wrong number.

FIFA Status: Won the league with Liverpool! I think this might be my greatest achievement since I finished my masters. Realising this, however, makes me want to die.

Skyrim Status: I've started playing again. Yay elves! Hobbit fully got me back into it.

Final Fantasy Status: I'm so close to the end but Ruby Weapon keeps beating the shit out of me.